Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab
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@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
You're specific situation, and other homeschooling setups (so no, you're not a snowflake) where the parents are around the kids most if not the entire day, find less to hear about from their children during a meal, because they experienced it alongside their children all day, so there is no need for catching up.
My wife's experience as a kid was that meal time was for kids to be silent and only the adults to talk and catch up on their days. When I was a kid, catch up was done when I got home, not hours later at dinner. Not that there was much to discuss, school is pretty bland until you are too old to share all of it.
I think to make "catch up at dinner" work, you have to eliminate most family time, which makes it an artefact of lacking family time, rather than a quality family time itself.
We had little other actual family time. We rarely played games together, etc.
That's my point. To make dinner seem like good family time requires all other family time to be worse. Instead of the opposite. Dinner is one of the times that we get the least time together.
I don't really know which way is more common today. I do know a few families who seem to spend every waking moment together (that they aren't specifically away at their job - as a non member of their family it's rather frustrating because they always have the kids around - mom mom mom mom mom mom mom, etc). That particular family doesn't seem to really have much adult time.
My kids tend to do rather adult activities. Like playing Skyrim.
My six year old with a speech problem has talked more in the last 6 months of watching youtube and playing games like Five Nights at Freddy's than he did all of last year (and last year was a really good year for him too!).
My wife and I let him play games like that cause he enjoys them and it teaches him to talk (read and spell too). Seems like a win in my book.
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@dafyre said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
You're specific situation, and other homeschooling setups (so no, you're not a snowflake) where the parents are around the kids most if not the entire day, find less to hear about from their children during a meal, because they experienced it alongside their children all day, so there is no need for catching up.
My wife's experience as a kid was that meal time was for kids to be silent and only the adults to talk and catch up on their days. When I was a kid, catch up was done when I got home, not hours later at dinner. Not that there was much to discuss, school is pretty bland until you are too old to share all of it.
I think to make "catch up at dinner" work, you have to eliminate most family time, which makes it an artefact of lacking family time, rather than a quality family time itself.
We had little other actual family time. We rarely played games together, etc.
That's my point. To make dinner seem like good family time requires all other family time to be worse. Instead of the opposite. Dinner is one of the times that we get the least time together.
I don't really know which way is more common today. I do know a few families who seem to spend every waking moment together (that they aren't specifically away at their job - as a non member of their family it's rather frustrating because they always have the kids around - mom mom mom mom mom mom mom, etc). That particular family doesn't seem to really have much adult time.
My kids tend to do rather adult activities. Like playing Skyrim.
My six year old with a speech problem has talked more in the last 6 months of watching youtube and playing games like Five Nights at Freddy's than he did all of last year (and last year was a really good year for him too!).
My wife and I let him play games like that cause he enjoys them and it teaches him to talk (read and spell too). Seems like a win in my book.
Interactive entertainment is SO much better than passive. Better for discussion and family time, better for learning and brain development.
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For us, quality family time is something that we are all involved in together, such as video games, card games, dinner time, or physical activity (soccer or playing in the backyard). I help coach my sons soccer team, which means quality time for him and I. I cheer on my daughter during soccer and, to us, that counts as quality time as well, even though my son would like to go and play on the playground during her games.
I don't typically get home until about 6-6:30. Wife starts dinner when I get home. I settle in and then catch up with the family before dinner. We talk more during dinner and then start getting ready for bed and the next day. Its not much time, but we do value it. If we have something going on that night, then dinner and everything else gets pushed back.
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@black3dynamite said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
Slow down people, Iām trying to read here.
yeah i agree, this is going faster than I can keep up with lol
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I've got the whole family in one space, now. Wife is heating up food for the kids (pancakes and home made veggie sausage), the little one is colouring on the couch with the old one, old one is playing Skyrim, and I'm right behind them watching her play and the other colour (or drawing I guess.) The little one is watching the older one play.
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@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dafyre said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
But you both at the kitchen table, you typing on ML, basically ignoring her - not in a mean way, but in the, I'm doing my own thing way, and her reading to herself or whatever... that's not family time, that's not hanging out.. at least not to me.
No more ignoring that if we were watching a show or eating food together. Same amount of interactivity.
Actually, we do more together this way. I watch HER play a game, not just watch the same thing that she is watching. And we discuss the game as she plays. We wouldn't do those things if eating or watching television.
So this is very much more interactive and more family time than the things most people consider family time.
you don't have family discussions while eating? you all just sit there in silence while eating? odd, at least to me.
Correct. Talking while eating at home really isn't a thing. I've never known anyone to do that like on television. It's weird. You are eating, not talking. Restaurants are different because most of the time is just sitting around waiting for food.
Around our house a meal at the kitchen table leads to conversation as we eat.
But does it lead to conversations that wouldn't happen if you were just hanging out with each other?
The idea of just hanging out without a specific activity in mind seems odd to me. Sure it happens, but for me personally, it's pretty rare. The main exception would be purposefully visiting with friends I don't see frequently, but then it kinda falls outside the hanging out because it is generally the specific activity that is planned - to be in close proximity to have conversations to catch up.
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What I'm taking away from this is that I don't really have much family time with my wife at all.
We don't have many hobbies in common. She's globbed onto two of mine, more because it allows her to be involved than her personal desire to do them (travel, OK she likes to travel, but frankly, if I wasn't pushing us, she wouldn't do it, and costuming).
We don't play games together much because I admittedly become frustrated when she wins board games constantly (and I don't desire to win so much so to do something like improve my vocab so I can try to win at scrabble, etc) and she has no desire to play computer games.
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@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dafyre said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
But you both at the kitchen table, you typing on ML, basically ignoring her - not in a mean way, but in the, I'm doing my own thing way, and her reading to herself or whatever... that's not family time, that's not hanging out.. at least not to me.
No more ignoring that if we were watching a show or eating food together. Same amount of interactivity.
Actually, we do more together this way. I watch HER play a game, not just watch the same thing that she is watching. And we discuss the game as she plays. We wouldn't do those things if eating or watching television.
So this is very much more interactive and more family time than the things most people consider family time.
you don't have family discussions while eating? you all just sit there in silence while eating? odd, at least to me.
Correct. Talking while eating at home really isn't a thing. I've never known anyone to do that like on television. It's weird. You are eating, not talking. Restaurants are different because most of the time is just sitting around waiting for food.
Around our house a meal at the kitchen table leads to conversation as we eat.
But does it lead to conversations that wouldn't happen if you were just hanging out with each other?
The idea of just hanging out without a specific activity in mind seems odd to me. Sure it happens, but for me personally, it's pretty rare. The main exception would be purposefully visiting with friends I don't see frequently, but then it kinda falls outside the hanging out because it is generally the specific activity that is planned - to be in close proximity to have conversations to catch up.
I think this is something that is always tough to describe. I think about this a lot having kids and wanting quality time with them. What does quality time really mean? Really, there aren't many things that you truly do "together". I mean sure, we might play a game together, we do that a lot, and teaching them or just talking is very much together. But outside of those things, together time means "being together".
Having spent loads of time thinking about this, one of the things that I think is really important with my kids is that I know what they are doing always, I'm involved whenever there is something for me to be involved in, I'm there for them to talk to me or ask questions or just get a hug at any moment, we are always together, etc.
FOr example, my office floor is covered in toys, so that the kids can play at my feet when I work in the office. I can't play with Playmobile with them (I literally can't, I don't understand the way that they play with them) but we are together.
If the kids were at school or I was at the office, we'd not have the "talking to each other all day" thing. But because we are always together, there is always some amount of conversation, continuously.
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@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
What I'm taking away from this is that I don't really have much family time with my wife at all.
Most people don't, nothing wrong with that. I don't either. But not because we don't enjoy shared things, we actually do. But in our case it is because my wife is an extreme introvert and needs to be alone over 90% of the time to be happy and functional. That's something I've just had to learn to come to term with. She doesn't not want to hang out with me, she doesn't want anyone at all near her.
So the kids and I are together way more than my wife and I are together. My kids want to be in close proximity 90% of the time and alone 10%. My wife is the flip side. So now, for example, that my wife is done cooking breakfast, she is back hiding across the house alone, while me and the two kids are hanging out together.
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@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
What I'm taking away from this is that I don't really have much family time with my wife at all.
Most people don't, nothing wrong with that. I don't either. But not because we don't enjoy shared things, we actually do. But in our case it is because my wife is an extreme introvert and needs to be alone over 90% of the time to be happy and functional. That's something I've just had to learn to come to term with. She doesn't not want to hang out with me, she doesn't want anyone at all near her.
So the kids and I are together way more than my wife and I are together. My kids want to be in close proximity 90% of the time and alone 10%. My wife is the flip side. So now, for example, that my wife is done cooking breakfast, she is back hiding across the house alone, while me and the two kids are hanging out together.
That is exactly how my home life is too. My wife doesn't like doing anything with me or the kids either. We used to do the same things but hardly do anymore. She does but I can tell she isn't happy being around someone all the time. She calls herself an extreme introvert. I really wonder how we got married sometimes. I think she has got worse over the years though, she wasn't so bad when we first met. She did have cancer though so i am sure that affects her still too so I can't be hard on her because of that. I am still trying to adjust to her personality change myself and it hasn't been easy. She would rather be by herself and she regularly says she hates her life and family. She will then backtrack so i don;t think she means it. Its just the way she is. The only friends she has are people that are as miserable as she is.
So yeah my office is covered in toy trucks, cars, flying dragons and books because the two boys spend a lot of time in there with me at nights after work. I love spending time with them. We play games, talk, takes naps together and wrestle so the 2 year old can jump on me and win. He loves that. He hold onto my neck while laughing and playing.
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@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
But you both at the kitchen table, you typing on ML, basically ignoring her - not in a mean way, but in the, I'm doing my own thing way, and her reading to herself or whatever... that's not family time, that's not hanging out.. at least not to me.
No more ignoring that if we were watching a show or eating food together. Same amount of interactivity.
Actually, we do more together this way. I watch HER play a game, not just watch the same thing that she is watching. And we discuss the game as she plays. We wouldn't do those things if eating or watching television.
So this is very much more interactive and more family time than the things most people consider family time.
you don't have family discussions while eating? you all just sit there in silence while eating? odd, at least to me.
You do not talk while eating in my house. I'll take your food away and you can go hungry.
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@jmoore said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
What I'm taking away from this is that I don't really have much family time with my wife at all.
Most people don't, nothing wrong with that. I don't either. But not because we don't enjoy shared things, we actually do. But in our case it is because my wife is an extreme introvert and needs to be alone over 90% of the time to be happy and functional. That's something I've just had to learn to come to term with. She doesn't not want to hang out with me, she doesn't want anyone at all near her.
So the kids and I are together way more than my wife and I are together. My kids want to be in close proximity 90% of the time and alone 10%. My wife is the flip side. So now, for example, that my wife is done cooking breakfast, she is back hiding across the house alone, while me and the two kids are hanging out together.
That is exactly how my home life is too. My wife doesn't like doing anything with me or the kids either. We used to do the same things but hardly do anymore. She does but I can tell she isn't happy being around someone all the time. She calls herself an extreme introvert. I really wonder how we got married sometimes. I think she has got worse over the years though, she wasn't so bad when we first met. She did have cancer though so i am sure that affects her still too so I can't be hard on her because of that. I am still trying to adjust to her personality change myself and it hasn't been easy. She would rather be by herself and she regularly says she hates her life and family. She will then backtrack so i don;t think she means it. Its just the way she is. The only friends she has are people that are as miserable as she is.
So yeah my office is covered in toy trucks, cars, flying dragons and books because the two boys spend a lot of time in there with me at nights after work. I love spending time with them. We play games, talk, takes naps together and wrestle so the 2 year old can jump on me and win. He loves that. He hold onto my neck while laughing and playing.
My wife loves her life... as long as we leave her to herself most of the time.
But given that scenario, one of the good things is that we are all home together all of the time. So when she wants to be around us, we are there. So we get the maximum potential time together. She really hates if I go to an office or travel, as she does want to see me every day, just not nearly as much time as I want to see her.
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@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
What I'm taking away from this is that I don't really have much family time with my wife at all.
Most people don't, nothing wrong with that. I don't either. But not because we don't enjoy shared things, we actually do. But in our case it is because my wife is an extreme introvert and needs to be alone over 90% of the time to be happy and functional. That's something I've just had to learn to come to term with. She doesn't not want to hang out with me, she doesn't want anyone at all near her.
So the kids and I are together way more than my wife and I are together. My kids want to be in close proximity 90% of the time and alone 10%. My wife is the flip side. So now, for example, that my wife is done cooking breakfast, she is back hiding across the house alone, while me and the two kids are hanging out together.
Sounds like the flip from my house - though I don't want/need anywhere near 90% alone time.. 40%+ alonish time would be completely OK. But for her, if it's possible for me to be in the same room, she wants that. It's to the point that she will suffer something she doesn't like just to be in the same room, though there are a few things that will send her screaming.. the bird when she's being loud for example.
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@jaredbusch said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
But you both at the kitchen table, you typing on ML, basically ignoring her - not in a mean way, but in the, I'm doing my own thing way, and her reading to herself or whatever... that's not family time, that's not hanging out.. at least not to me.
No more ignoring that if we were watching a show or eating food together. Same amount of interactivity.
Actually, we do more together this way. I watch HER play a game, not just watch the same thing that she is watching. And we discuss the game as she plays. We wouldn't do those things if eating or watching television.
So this is very much more interactive and more family time than the things most people consider family time.
you don't have family discussions while eating? you all just sit there in silence while eating? odd, at least to me.
You do not talk while eating in my house. I'll take your food away and you can go hungry.
LOL - are you meaning as in talking with your mouth full? or just talking about period?
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@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@jmoore said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
What I'm taking away from this is that I don't really have much family time with my wife at all.
Most people don't, nothing wrong with that. I don't either. But not because we don't enjoy shared things, we actually do. But in our case it is because my wife is an extreme introvert and needs to be alone over 90% of the time to be happy and functional. That's something I've just had to learn to come to term with. She doesn't not want to hang out with me, she doesn't want anyone at all near her.
So the kids and I are together way more than my wife and I are together. My kids want to be in close proximity 90% of the time and alone 10%. My wife is the flip side. So now, for example, that my wife is done cooking breakfast, she is back hiding across the house alone, while me and the two kids are hanging out together.
That is exactly how my home life is too. My wife doesn't like doing anything with me or the kids either. We used to do the same things but hardly do anymore. She does but I can tell she isn't happy being around someone all the time. She calls herself an extreme introvert. I really wonder how we got married sometimes. I think she has got worse over the years though, she wasn't so bad when we first met. She did have cancer though so i am sure that affects her still too so I can't be hard on her because of that. I am still trying to adjust to her personality change myself and it hasn't been easy. She would rather be by herself and she regularly says she hates her life and family. She will then backtrack so i don;t think she means it. Its just the way she is. The only friends she has are people that are as miserable as she is.
So yeah my office is covered in toy trucks, cars, flying dragons and books because the two boys spend a lot of time in there with me at nights after work. I love spending time with them. We play games, talk, takes naps together and wrestle so the 2 year old can jump on me and win. He loves that. He hold onto my neck while laughing and playing.
My wife loves her life... as long as we leave her to herself most of the time.
But given that scenario, one of the good things is that we are all home together all of the time. So when she wants to be around us, we are there. So we get the maximum potential time together. She really hates if I go to an office or travel, as she does want to see me every day, just not nearly as much time as I want to see her.
Right - similarly, my wife wants to see me constantly. When she worked for one of the local public high schools, she hated summer time. It meant 10 hours a day of alone time. That drives her crazy! I come home and she's on me (for conversation only) like white on rice. Me - I'm like get away from me. I've been around crazy woman for the past 9 hours, I need some alone time.
When I travel without her, it's the same as the summers, because that means she's alone in the evenings...
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@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@jmoore said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
What I'm taking away from this is that I don't really have much family time with my wife at all.
Most people don't, nothing wrong with that. I don't either. But not because we don't enjoy shared things, we actually do. But in our case it is because my wife is an extreme introvert and needs to be alone over 90% of the time to be happy and functional. That's something I've just had to learn to come to term with. She doesn't not want to hang out with me, she doesn't want anyone at all near her.
So the kids and I are together way more than my wife and I are together. My kids want to be in close proximity 90% of the time and alone 10%. My wife is the flip side. So now, for example, that my wife is done cooking breakfast, she is back hiding across the house alone, while me and the two kids are hanging out together.
That is exactly how my home life is too. My wife doesn't like doing anything with me or the kids either. We used to do the same things but hardly do anymore. She does but I can tell she isn't happy being around someone all the time. She calls herself an extreme introvert. I really wonder how we got married sometimes. I think she has got worse over the years though, she wasn't so bad when we first met. She did have cancer though so i am sure that affects her still too so I can't be hard on her because of that. I am still trying to adjust to her personality change myself and it hasn't been easy. She would rather be by herself and she regularly says she hates her life and family. She will then backtrack so i don;t think she means it. Its just the way she is. The only friends she has are people that are as miserable as she is.
So yeah my office is covered in toy trucks, cars, flying dragons and books because the two boys spend a lot of time in there with me at nights after work. I love spending time with them. We play games, talk, takes naps together and wrestle so the 2 year old can jump on me and win. He loves that. He hold onto my neck while laughing and playing.
My wife loves her life... as long as we leave her to herself most of the time.
But given that scenario, one of the good things is that we are all home together all of the time. So when she wants to be around us, we are there. So we get the maximum potential time together. She really hates if I go to an office or travel, as she does want to see me every day, just not nearly as much time as I want to see her.
Right - similarly, my wife wants to see me constantly. When she worked for one of the local public high schools, she hated summer time. It meant 10 hours a day of alone time. That drives her crazy! I come home and she's on me (for conversation only) like white on rice. Me - I'm like get away from me. I've been around crazy woman for the past 9 hours, I need some alone time.
When I travel without her, it's the same as the summers, because that means she's alone in the evenings...
My wife wants more time with me as much as possible, but I enjoy time alone for the most part. She can tell when I am just agitated. No really at her or the kids, but just agitated. She needs some of her own alone time as well. We're still working on our balance.
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@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@jmoore said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
What I'm taking away from this is that I don't really have much family time with my wife at all.
Most people don't, nothing wrong with that. I don't either. But not because we don't enjoy shared things, we actually do. But in our case it is because my wife is an extreme introvert and needs to be alone over 90% of the time to be happy and functional. That's something I've just had to learn to come to term with. She doesn't not want to hang out with me, she doesn't want anyone at all near her.
So the kids and I are together way more than my wife and I are together. My kids want to be in close proximity 90% of the time and alone 10%. My wife is the flip side. So now, for example, that my wife is done cooking breakfast, she is back hiding across the house alone, while me and the two kids are hanging out together.
That is exactly how my home life is too. My wife doesn't like doing anything with me or the kids either. We used to do the same things but hardly do anymore. She does but I can tell she isn't happy being around someone all the time. She calls herself an extreme introvert. I really wonder how we got married sometimes. I think she has got worse over the years though, she wasn't so bad when we first met. She did have cancer though so i am sure that affects her still too so I can't be hard on her because of that. I am still trying to adjust to her personality change myself and it hasn't been easy. She would rather be by herself and she regularly says she hates her life and family. She will then backtrack so i don;t think she means it. Its just the way she is. The only friends she has are people that are as miserable as she is.
So yeah my office is covered in toy trucks, cars, flying dragons and books because the two boys spend a lot of time in there with me at nights after work. I love spending time with them. We play games, talk, takes naps together and wrestle so the 2 year old can jump on me and win. He loves that. He hold onto my neck while laughing and playing.
My wife loves her life... as long as we leave her to herself most of the time.
But given that scenario, one of the good things is that we are all home together all of the time. So when she wants to be around us, we are there. So we get the maximum potential time together. She really hates if I go to an office or travel, as she does want to see me every day, just not nearly as much time as I want to see her.
Yeah I used to go out a lot more at night and work or just find things to do but she hated that too. So I was confused. Finally I figured out that she wanted me somewhat near to help her but not to interact with. She's just weird like that
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@nerdydad said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@jmoore said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
What I'm taking away from this is that I don't really have much family time with my wife at all.
Most people don't, nothing wrong with that. I don't either. But not because we don't enjoy shared things, we actually do. But in our case it is because my wife is an extreme introvert and needs to be alone over 90% of the time to be happy and functional. That's something I've just had to learn to come to term with. She doesn't not want to hang out with me, she doesn't want anyone at all near her.
So the kids and I are together way more than my wife and I are together. My kids want to be in close proximity 90% of the time and alone 10%. My wife is the flip side. So now, for example, that my wife is done cooking breakfast, she is back hiding across the house alone, while me and the two kids are hanging out together.
That is exactly how my home life is too. My wife doesn't like doing anything with me or the kids either. We used to do the same things but hardly do anymore. She does but I can tell she isn't happy being around someone all the time. She calls herself an extreme introvert. I really wonder how we got married sometimes. I think she has got worse over the years though, she wasn't so bad when we first met. She did have cancer though so i am sure that affects her still too so I can't be hard on her because of that. I am still trying to adjust to her personality change myself and it hasn't been easy. She would rather be by herself and she regularly says she hates her life and family. She will then backtrack so i don;t think she means it. Its just the way she is. The only friends she has are people that are as miserable as she is.
So yeah my office is covered in toy trucks, cars, flying dragons and books because the two boys spend a lot of time in there with me at nights after work. I love spending time with them. We play games, talk, takes naps together and wrestle so the 2 year old can jump on me and win. He loves that. He hold onto my neck while laughing and playing.
My wife loves her life... as long as we leave her to herself most of the time.
But given that scenario, one of the good things is that we are all home together all of the time. So when she wants to be around us, we are there. So we get the maximum potential time together. She really hates if I go to an office or travel, as she does want to see me every day, just not nearly as much time as I want to see her.
Right - similarly, my wife wants to see me constantly. When she worked for one of the local public high schools, she hated summer time. It meant 10 hours a day of alone time. That drives her crazy! I come home and she's on me (for conversation only) like white on rice. Me - I'm like get away from me. I've been around crazy woman for the past 9 hours, I need some alone time.
When I travel without her, it's the same as the summers, because that means she's alone in the evenings...
My wife wants more time with me as much as possible, but I enjoy time alone for the most part. She can tell when I am just agitated. No really at her or the kids, but just agitated. She needs some of her own alone time as well. We're still working on our balance.
You're lucky then. Mine never seems to need/want alone time.
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@jmoore said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@jmoore said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
What I'm taking away from this is that I don't really have much family time with my wife at all.
Most people don't, nothing wrong with that. I don't either. But not because we don't enjoy shared things, we actually do. But in our case it is because my wife is an extreme introvert and needs to be alone over 90% of the time to be happy and functional. That's something I've just had to learn to come to term with. She doesn't not want to hang out with me, she doesn't want anyone at all near her.
So the kids and I are together way more than my wife and I are together. My kids want to be in close proximity 90% of the time and alone 10%. My wife is the flip side. So now, for example, that my wife is done cooking breakfast, she is back hiding across the house alone, while me and the two kids are hanging out together.
That is exactly how my home life is too. My wife doesn't like doing anything with me or the kids either. We used to do the same things but hardly do anymore. She does but I can tell she isn't happy being around someone all the time. She calls herself an extreme introvert. I really wonder how we got married sometimes. I think she has got worse over the years though, she wasn't so bad when we first met. She did have cancer though so i am sure that affects her still too so I can't be hard on her because of that. I am still trying to adjust to her personality change myself and it hasn't been easy. She would rather be by herself and she regularly says she hates her life and family. She will then backtrack so i don;t think she means it. Its just the way she is. The only friends she has are people that are as miserable as she is.
So yeah my office is covered in toy trucks, cars, flying dragons and books because the two boys spend a lot of time in there with me at nights after work. I love spending time with them. We play games, talk, takes naps together and wrestle so the 2 year old can jump on me and win. He loves that. He hold onto my neck while laughing and playing.
My wife loves her life... as long as we leave her to herself most of the time.
But given that scenario, one of the good things is that we are all home together all of the time. So when she wants to be around us, we are there. So we get the maximum potential time together. She really hates if I go to an office or travel, as she does want to see me every day, just not nearly as much time as I want to see her.
Yeah I used to go out a lot more at night and work or just find things to do but she hated that too. So I was confused. Finally I figured out that she wanted me somewhat near to help her but not to interact with. She's just weird like that
While we don't always have to be doing the same thing... I must be within eye site, otherwise she's just on edge. This isn't really doable when playing online games with others - the talking would disrupt whatever she was doing. Or when I'm on the computer watching videos, etc.. I'm not a headphones type person.. just don't like the pressure on my ears. I tolerate it for flying, but otherwise I rarely use headphones.
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@jaredbusch said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@scottalanmiller said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
@dashrender said in Would You Hire Someone in IT Who Does Not Have a Home Lab:
But you both at the kitchen table, you typing on ML, basically ignoring her - not in a mean way, but in the, I'm doing my own thing way, and her reading to herself or whatever... that's not family time, that's not hanging out.. at least not to me.
No more ignoring that if we were watching a show or eating food together. Same amount of interactivity.
Actually, we do more together this way. I watch HER play a game, not just watch the same thing that she is watching. And we discuss the game as she plays. We wouldn't do those things if eating or watching television.
So this is very much more interactive and more family time than the things most people consider family time.
you don't have family discussions while eating? you all just sit there in silence while eating? odd, at least to me.
You do not talk while eating in my house. I'll take your food away and you can go hungry.
LOL, we aren't quite that extreme. But eating is definitely not talking time. If the kids do that, their food gets cold and they complain. I can only imagine that people who have long conversations while eating also don't reheat leftovers.
