Witnessing Sexual Harassment
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I just got back from setting up new copiers in municipal courts and I met with this sleasey looking rep. He had a weird uncle type of vibe. Shook hands slightly too long, didn't understand personal space. All of it. I notice when I arrived that he had found the prettiest girl in the courts system and was sitting so close to her he their knees were touching. I happen to know the woman and she is a very nice person, but is also very timid. I have seen her enough to know that she is very uncomfortable. I used her computer to RUI into the copier to try to break it up and he just moved to wherever she moved. She is married (which she brought up 6 or 7 times in conversation) and so is the rep just as an aside. Anyway, I finished doing the install and dragged him around with me to get him away from her. When we came back and I said he wasn't needed anymore he walked up to this woman and held his hand out to shake her hand. He was telling what an amazing woman she is etc etc etc. It was like a 30 second handshake. He then took her hand and kissed it. As he did this she cringed. He then normally shook the hand of a much less attractive woman in the same office. After he left she thanked me for separating them and said that he is extremely creepy and weird.
Seeing this happen really upset me. I understand that ultimately this is up to her to report, but when you are not directly involved what is the best course of action? Can I call this guy out for being a creep? I'm not sure if it's professional to do that or if I should even consider what is professional in the face of something like this.
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I would notify HR ASAP!! Do it on her behalf. If you witness something like this always report it. As a woman I would avoid reporting things like this because, it would cause problems for me to be the one to report etc.
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@minion-queen I sent her an e-mail and told her that I did not think what happened was okay and if she wanted me to report it I would or if she wanted to report it I would absolutely back her up as a witness. I really felt bad for her. I don't want to make a choice for her though either.
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@wirestyle22 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:
@minion-queen I sent her an e-mail and told her that I did not think what happened was okay and if she wanted me to report it I would or if she wanted to report it I would absolutely back her up as a witness. I really felt bad for her. I don't want to make a choice for her though either.
Making a choice to report a scumbag isn't you making a choice for her. It's to get rid of a bad presence in your place of business.
What if he does this to other women, or takes it further?
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@dustinb3403 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:
@wirestyle22 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:
@minion-queen I sent her an e-mail and told her that I did not think what happened was okay and if she wanted me to report it I would or if she wanted to report it I would absolutely back her up as a witness. I really felt bad for her. I don't want to make a choice for her though either.
Making a choice to report a scumbag isn't you making a choice for her. It's to get rid of a bad presence in your place of business.
What if he does this to other women, or takes it further?
This guy is not a city employee. He's a salesman for this shitty copier company which we most likely will not see again (hes not a tech). I had to resist the urge to punch this dude in the face inside of a municipal court, which wouldn't have helped anyone.
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@wirestyle22 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:
@dustinb3403 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:
@wirestyle22 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:
@minion-queen I sent her an e-mail and told her that I did not think what happened was okay and if she wanted me to report it I would or if she wanted to report it I would absolutely back her up as a witness. I really felt bad for her. I don't want to make a choice for her though either.
Making a choice to report a scumbag isn't you making a choice for her. It's to get rid of a bad presence in your place of business.
What if he does this to other women, or takes it further?
This guy is not a city employee. He's a salesman for this shitty copier company which we most likely will not see again (hes not a tech). I had to resist the urge to punch this dude in the face inside of a municipal court, which wouldn't have helped anyone.
Doesn't matter, blackball the business or just him by reporting it. Sexual harassment is still against the law.
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@dustinb3403 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:
@wirestyle22 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:
@dustinb3403 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:
@wirestyle22 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:
@minion-queen I sent her an e-mail and told her that I did not think what happened was okay and if she wanted me to report it I would or if she wanted to report it I would absolutely back her up as a witness. I really felt bad for her. I don't want to make a choice for her though either.
Making a choice to report a scumbag isn't you making a choice for her. It's to get rid of a bad presence in your place of business.
What if he does this to other women, or takes it further?
This guy is not a city employee. He's a salesman for this shitty copier company which we most likely will not see again (hes not a tech). I had to resist the urge to punch this dude in the face inside of a municipal court, which wouldn't have helped anyone.
Doesn't matter, blackball the business or just him by reporting it. Sexual harassment is still against the law.
I think it would be weird if I offered and then just did it without waiting for her to reply, but unless I'm given a very good reason not to (which I can't imagine what that would be) I will report it. I honestly would've felt so justified to knock this guys teeth out.
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@wirestyle22 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:
@minion-queen I sent her an e-mail and told her that I did not think what happened was okay and if she wanted me to report it I would or if she wanted to report it I would absolutely back her up as a witness. I really felt bad for her. I don't want to make a choice for her though either.
Makes sense. People like that piss me off.
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Begin rant There need to be more men like you guys. As a woman I have to deal with this kind of crap way too often. It doesn't matter how cute, skinny or blond you are. Men can be scum... end rant
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@wirestyle22 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:
@dustinb3403 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:
@wirestyle22 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:
@dustinb3403 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:
@wirestyle22 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:
@minion-queen I sent her an e-mail and told her that I did not think what happened was okay and if she wanted me to report it I would or if she wanted to report it I would absolutely back her up as a witness. I really felt bad for her. I don't want to make a choice for her though either.
Making a choice to report a scumbag isn't you making a choice for her. It's to get rid of a bad presence in your place of business.
What if he does this to other women, or takes it further?
This guy is not a city employee. He's a salesman for this shitty copier company which we most likely will not see again (hes not a tech). I had to resist the urge to punch this dude in the face inside of a municipal court, which wouldn't have helped anyone.
Doesn't matter, blackball the business or just him by reporting it. Sexual harassment is still against the law.
I think it would be weird if I offered and then just did it without waiting for her to reply, but unless I'm given a very good reason not to (which I can't imagine what that would be) I will report it. I honestly would've felt so justified to knock this guys teeth out.
I'd report it regardless. It wasn't just her that it effected.
A crime is a crime... if you see somebody shoot someone else dead, would you ask the dead guy's relative before reporting it?
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@minion-queen said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:
Begin rant There need to be more men like you guys. As a woman I have to deal with this kind of crap way too often. It doesn't matter how cute, skinny or blond you are. Men can be scum... end rant
So can woman - hell at the place I work at now had a woman who used to hit on my x-business partner every time he came here.
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@dashrender said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:
@minion-queen said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:
Begin rant There need to be more men like you guys. As a woman I have to deal with this kind of crap way too often. It doesn't matter how cute, skinny or blond you are. Men can be scum... end rant
So can woman - hell at the place I work at now had a woman who used to hit on my x-business partner every time he came here.
There is a fine line between flirting and sexual harassment. One means both parts are participating. The other means one person is trying to flee as fast as possible. . .
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@dustinb3403 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:
@dashrender said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:
@minion-queen said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:
Begin rant There need to be more men like you guys. As a woman I have to deal with this kind of crap way too often. It doesn't matter how cute, skinny or blond you are. Men can be scum... end rant
So can woman - hell at the place I work at now had a woman who used to hit on my x-business partner every time he came here.
There is a fine line between flirting and sexual harassment. One means both parts are participating. The other means one person is trying to flee as fast as possible. . .
He wasn't participating.
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@dashrender said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:
@dustinb3403 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:
@dashrender said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:
@minion-queen said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:
Begin rant There need to be more men like you guys. As a woman I have to deal with this kind of crap way too often. It doesn't matter how cute, skinny or blond you are. Men can be scum... end rant
So can woman - hell at the place I work at now had a woman who used to hit on my x-business partner every time he came here.
There is a fine line between flirting and sexual harassment. One means both parts are participating. The other means one person is trying to flee as fast as possible. . .
He wasn't participating.
Did you report it? If not you were contributing to the act.
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@minion-queen said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:
I would notify HR ASAP!! Do it on her behalf. If you witness something like this always report it. As a woman I would avoid reporting things like this because, it would cause problems for me to be the one to report etc.
I'd call the copier company and ask to speak to the Sales Manager (hopefully not the guy who came to visit you) or that company's HR department. Then tell the person what happened.
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@dustinb3403 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:
@dashrender said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:
@dustinb3403 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:
@dashrender said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:
@minion-queen said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:
Begin rant There need to be more men like you guys. As a woman I have to deal with this kind of crap way too often. It doesn't matter how cute, skinny or blond you are. Men can be scum... end rant
So can woman - hell at the place I work at now had a woman who used to hit on my x-business partner every time he came here.
There is a fine line between flirting and sexual harassment. One means both parts are participating. The other means one person is trying to flee as fast as possible. . .
He wasn't participating.
Did you report it? If not you were contributing to the act.
I think we've all felt uncomfortable with someone flirting. I'll admit that women deal with it much more frequently. It doesn't feel good and it makes you feel very uncomfortable.
However I think it's s bit extreme to say he was contributing to the act.
I personally would not report it because no one was physically touched or hurt. Although there might have been a handkiss which was over the line. That is where the damage ends. It's not really your decision to make. Because stuff like this can affect people's view on the woman and could even affect possible promotions. Should it affect this stuff? No, but guess what it does. People might see her as a tattle tale or something.
Minor infraction with no real benefit I'm reporting it. She won't see the guy ever again, likely.
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You are affecting somebody's ( the woman) perception by her peers and their career for something that will be forgotten about tomorrow.
Basically there's some risk to little or no reward. Guy you'll never see again gets fired (which probably won't happen).
The fact is she will be seen differently and her coworkers may be afraid to even smile. Thus kind of stuff happens at work. Ive heard of people not trusting someone involved in one of these cases.
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In my friends case it was never as overt as the creep Wired saw.
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@irj said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:
You are affecting somebody's ( the woman) perception by her peers and their career for something that will be forgotten about tomorrow.
Basically there's some risk to little or no reward. Guy you'll never see again gets fired (which probably won't happen).
The fact is she will be seen differently and her coworkers may be afraid to even smile. Thus kind of stuff happens at work. Ive heard of people not trusting someone involved in one of these cases.
This is essentially my worry. I don't want to complicate her life. It really needs to be her choice. I happen to know some of the challenges she faces in life just due to working with her and having casual conversation. I don't think sacrificing her well being to hold this guy accountable is the right way to go either. It's a hard situation.
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@dustinb3403 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:
@dashrender said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:
@dustinb3403 said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:
@dashrender said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:
@minion-queen said in Witnessing Sexual Harassment:
Begin rant There need to be more men like you guys. As a woman I have to deal with this kind of crap way too often. It doesn't matter how cute, skinny or blond you are. Men can be scum... end rant
So can woman - hell at the place I work at now had a woman who used to hit on my x-business partner every time he came here.
There is a fine line between flirting and sexual harassment. One means both parts are participating. The other means one person is trying to flee as fast as possible. . .
He wasn't participating.
Did you report it? If not you were contributing to the act.
It's not as simple as that. There is a woman I know who works for the city. The company I work for has explained not to talk to her unless its absolutely necessary because she is in the process of suing her boss for sexual harassment (she claims he touched her chest). The immediate assumption of the people I work for is that she is lying and could do the same to us. Maybe she's lying. Maybe she's not. I don't know. What I do know is that my bosses shouldn't have an opinion of it because they were not there to witness what happened.
This happens to be something I saw and can do something about, but like I said--sacrificing her well being to hold this guy accountable isn't right either.
